istayedanotherday

I stayed another day… now what?

I chose life. A decision I’ve made over and over again. However, for so long I’ve existed with one foot in the grave, a physical body alive but void of any semblance of life. An anger and desperation lived in the place peace had long been evicted from. I’d find myself sobbing and screaming at every breath I felt forced to take. Family ties felt like shackles to this insufferable existence. Yet I carried the knowledge of the irreversible destruction I’d leave in my wake if my decision was any other than to stay. For the love I have been given and the untarnished innocence that continues to look up at me; I’ve carried on.

Even while knowing I had reasons to live, it honestly didn’t feel like enough. My purpose that didn’t stem from others was no where to be found. I realized that living for others could not replace the need to live for myself.